Studies have shown that we are happier when we give rather than when we get.

I believe the want to give can sustain passion and hard work much better than the want to get.

So often, parents and society (especially Asian ones) focus on education so the student can get a great job, get a great car, get a great spouse, go on fancy holidays and have a great life ie. Me, Me, ME.

What happens when pressure builds and the student shuts down and goes into the Dalai Lama mode and says “I don’t want a fancy car or house or fancy holidays! I just want to be able to eat and live a simple life and be happy.”

I was stumped when I had a recent client who presented me with that. He did not believe education could get him anything more than he needed. 

Parents then try to “advise” these students that they have no idea what they’re saying and that they need to be ambitious, which pushes them further away. It’s a terrible cycle.

This made me reflect on my own innate drive and how I pushed myself as a student and even now as an adult. My parents were hands off parents. I don’t remember my parents ever telling me to study. My mum was just happy I went to school and she had peace at home!

Coming from a family where women weren’t highly educated though had a huge impact on me. These women served at home and money was always an issue. I remember telling myself NOT that I didn’t want to be like them because I admired and respected them... but that I needed to get an education so I could give back to them. They deserve nice things after slaving away in the kitchen all day (which to someone like me, who hates cooking, was the equivalent of a slow, painful death)

That spurred me to pursue a law degree which I figured would kill two birds with one stone ie. make money and work for women’s domestic rights.

Through the years of teaching, I started earning enough to give to these ladies in my life and it made me happy. But once I had achieved that, I lost my drive. After 13 years, I could not bring myself to write one more ‘PEAL’ (point, evidence, analysis, link -structure for essays) on the board. I had no more purpose or drive to do that.

The moment the opportunity to teach Refugee and underprivileged students came into my life, I found my mojo back. I knew that by teaching and earning well, I was able to give time to volunteer and help these kids out.

That Got Me Thinking That This Formula Works With Students Just As Well As Adults.

In coaching, I dig for the whys and get to what they can see themselves giving to their families, society, etc and always saw a shift in how they approached their studies and life. They were no longer doing it for themselves anymore. They saw a bigger purpose and they too find their drive again. 

Seeing a connection between education and their ability to give or serve, ignites a spark to find purpose and work hard.